Sunday, July 31, 2011

Dyme Does Latin America !...#2

Okay, so I find a one-way ticket back to the US from Costa Rica for about $100 with the help of my son...problem solved.

Still didn't know where I was gonna stay, though. At the last minute, I decide to rent a room from a couple in the San Jose area. I'd found their ad on Craigslist the week before I left. Who goes and lives with complete strangers on Craigslist?...Me, of course. And I say, I'm not a gambler.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Dyme Does Latin America ! #1

Yeah, I'm leavin'...Yeah, really! I'm just waitin' on this last birdie to leave the nest, and I'm gone !

Let me bring it up to speed...

Okay so, graduation is over. The last birdie, my 18 year old daughter Erisse is on her way to college. I'd been telling people that I was gonna leave the US, as soon my last child finished high school. I've sold everything in my house and moved out. All I couldn't sell, I gave away or locked up in my small storage unit that I've been paying $35 a month for, for the past three years. After staying with my smoking neurotic sister for over a week, I couldn't take it anymore. Enough money or not! I was willing to hop a bus to Mexico with a backpack to get the heck out of there. Mississippi was suppose to be a hit and run, not an almost six year commitment.

Even the Lord saw it was too much, and soon I might start taking some hostages. Don't ask who...hell, anybody! I'm now a middle-aged diva without a house or her stuff. It could get real serious at this point.

The Lord took pity. I booked a one-way ticket to San Jose, Costa Rica...couldn't afford the current round-trip prices and refused to pay them. Who cares, anyway...I wasn't planning on coming back anytime soon.

Problem....Costa Rican Immigration and the US State Department says you gotta show a ticket leaving out of Costa Rica. Damn...If it ain't always something !

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

SPIDER'S WEB...Script excerpt


Spider saunters in. We hear RANTING, as he makes his way over to Recording Studio 5. WES PIERSON, mid-20s, A & R rep for the label, is trying to calm his artist; HEIRESS, a vanilla pint-sized pop diva, on the edge. Heiress spots Spider standing near the soundroom entrance.

HEIRESS (to Wes)

Oh, now you can get outta my face.

You need to straighten this out, Spider!

(to Spider)
Good. You talk to her.

Wes walks off.
(to Heiress)
Let's talk.

Spider takes Heiress aside.
What's goin' on, Heiress ? You're making everybody crazy down here.

She paces, hands on her hips, agitated.

What's goin' on here, is that the gotdamn back-up singers are singin' off key. That's what's goin' on here !

Spider looks across quickly, then sighs.

All right. Who do you think is singin' off key ?

What do you mean THINK ? I won a gotdamn Grammy ! Don't you think I KNOW when somebody's fuckin' singin' off key ?...Gotdammit!

Calm down! I don't have time for this shit today, Heiress.
You're costing us studio time. I don't do this kinda shit anymore.
Just tell me who's off key, alright ?!

Heiress looks across to the singers, venomously. Finds her target.


Gail Mason ? Cut the shit, Heiress. Gail's one of the best in the business.

Well, she sings like she's got a crow up her ass.

You familiar with the sound, sweetheart ?

Her eyes burn through him like acid.

OH!...So the asshole's got jokes ?!

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Saturday, October 24, 2009

Stupid Relatives Wanted!

C’mon...We can all think of at least a couple. Well, here’s your chance to get back at the one who stiffed you for that 300 smackers, bet your rent money on a cockroach race...or sent your beloved kitty to the vet intoxicated, because “he looked thirsty”.

Or….maybe YOU are the family idiot. ‘Fess up….what’d you do?

Send in your submissions of ridiculous acts committed by the kin folks. (Don't worry...Their full names will not be used in the book, nor yours, so don’t stress about the inheritance).

Hurry, before the next family reunion!!

Attn: Relatively Stupid

E-mail your submissions to:

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Still Here...

Stay tuned...It's been a long time, but I'll be back.


Sunday, January 14, 2007

Cougar VS. The Kitten.....

Cougars...Is the term being used for beautiful, wealthy, older women who date younger men. Normally, these are 40+ women who have decided that what older men have been doing for centuries with younger women...they can do better. The men they date can be as much as twenty years younger, and yes, totally fine. Gigolos?...That would be the first thought that comes to mind, but these guys say they're in it for the real thing. Yeah. They say that a relationship with an older woman is a welcome change to the younger women they're used to dating. They say that maturity and security are the positives to dating a Cougar. Older women don't have toddlers that they're looking for a baby's daddy. They're not still working their way through school, sleeping their way through the clubs, looking for a man to take care of them, or take them to the mall. These women are strong and have already been where a younger woman may still be trying to get to. They provide stimulating conversation absent of the superficial, and are rediscovering 'fun'. And of course...there's the sexual prowess of an experienced older woman! With the shortage of eligible men in a particular age group, economic status, or even mental capacity, older women are finding that they're having to make some changes to their "lists" or the one that society deems suitable for them. So, are they stealing from the Kittens? They'll get over it. After all, they've got youth...and old coots willing to be their "Sugar Daddys". Let me hear your thoughts or whether you have a preference.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Go ask the Boss!

Writer, speaker, and former international model is here to set the record straight for you. She offers her advice on everything from relationships to pop culture.

Candlelight and Chocolates......

Is that what we really want? If you ask a man what his idea of being romantic would be....Most likely, you'll get answers along the lines of giving flowers, a candlelit bubble bath, or maybe even leaving love notes on the bathroom mirror for his lady love. But, are these nuances really the way women gauge a satisfying relationship? Or are these appreciated perks, less important to some of us than others when it comes right down to what really makes our hearts skip a beat? While Terry, 38, Atlanta, says that flowers and a tennis bracelet are the right romantic moves to get her attention...Joey, 27, Los Angeles, finds that simply spooning on the couch while watching TV is enough to create magic for her. Going through a divorce forced me personally, to re-examine just what my true romantic needs were. Was it just the fact that my spouse no longer wrote me poetry that caused my complaints of romantic deprivation? Hardly. Self-discovery can be a beautiful thing. It is the moment when you're truly ready to acknowledge the voice of your soul rather than that of your girlfriends, or society's ideals about romance. What is it that truly makes you smile and say, 'He must've heard the voice, too. For some, it may be the amount of cash your lover shells out on your romantic interludes that coerces you into keeping him. But after a long day on her feet, Linda of Chicago, finds that a foot massage and pedicure given by her man to be a more welcome surprise than a vase full of expensive poseys. However, most women won't argue that candlelight and chocolates are great romantic overtures. For me, the real thing is having your sweetheart call you each morning (even long distance) to ask the question....'What can I do for you today? You see, this is where it all starts. Most women will agree. Sometimes, you just want to know that a man cares enough to ask if there's anything at all you need. It could be picking up your dry-cleaning for you, or taking your child to the dentist, or maybe you don't need anything at all. But, wouldn't we all appreciate starting out our day at least hearing the question asked? All that's required for good romance is sincere effort and consistency. So, the next time you complain to your man about being more romantic, ask yourself if it's really another Hallmark you want, or simply for him to say, 'I love you' every night before you go to bed. I'd take this over Godiva's any day of the week.